Greetings, Witches! We made it to the weekend again. What a week it’s been.
Post-Samhain blues, the winding down of Halloween celebrations… and the commencement of Christmas carols playing in every store, as well as the appearance of an inexplicably enormous amount of mince pies being stocked in the supermarket. Why? Nobody even likes them.
BUT with the cooler weather and the setting in of the wintry months comes the very best thing: cape season.
Emma Roberts, Sarah Paulson and Frances Conroy all wear capes in American Horror Story: Apocalypse.
Why are capes so great?
My good friend, Lindsey, and I have discussed this quit a bit, but never actually got to the point about what makes capes so great. I mean, we talk about how we need capes, and what great capes could be made from various fabrics, but we’ve never addressed the reasons. I propose the following justifications for my argument:
Capes are fun
They are swishy
They are stylish
They hide your face if you need them to
They can be warm (made of wool) or cool (made of silk)
They are historically accurate for many different eras, making historical cosplay a breeze
Now you can get blazers that are capes, and capes that are blazers, which means that capes are officially in the realm of acceptable workwear.
They can be made with pockets.
You don’t have to retire your cape game just because Samhain is over. You’re welcome.
Traditional Witch Cape
Bela Lugosi wears a cape as Dracula in 1931.
According to this very detailed write-up on the history of capes over at CR Fashion Book, the first cape sighting is from 1066. That’s a long, long time of people wearing capes, my friends. So yes, it makes sense that witches also wore capes.
Now, I think we can all agree that capes and dark culture in general have had more than their fair share of moments. Vampires, witches, general baddies – all wearing capes for a long time. In many pagan circles, members still wear capes. In many cultures, in fact, people wear capes. In many religions, people wear capes. And I feel that if you want to wear a cape, you should. However, the old-fashioned sort of circle-cape sweeping the floor and billowing around you as you stand in the gentle winds of fantasy land may not do you so well on the run to the supermarket. So let’s look at some more modern and/or fashion-forward options.
Gigi Hadid wears a black cape out and about.
I already mentioned the blazer cape which I think is possibly the best fashion invention ever. But capes made a massive comeback in terms of tailoring in like the 1940s and, to be honest, I’ve always been a fan. And then once you take American Horror Story and mix Victorian capes with modern fashion? LUSH.
However, in the last few years we have definitely seen an increase in the wearing of capes in public, in the form of gowns, jackets, general cape-age, and I theorise that many of those people who wear these capes are, in fact, Witches, in some way or another.
Christina Hendricks wears a green turban and a black cape. Need I say more? Yes? Okay, then. CH has the clearest skin ever. She’s a Witch.
Lupita Nyong’o wears a red cape gown. I have no evidence of Witchery. But she is a Goddess.
Serena Williams wears a white cape over her wedding dress. Just saying – she is pretty excellent.
Miranda Kerr wears a blush pink cape dress. She owns an organic skincare line that uses crystals to infuse energy into the products. You know what I’m going to say.
Amal Clooney is probably not a Witch, but if she WERE, she would be the goodest Good Witch.
Similarly to Miranda Kerr, Gwyneth Paltrow, here wearing a white cape gown, is the owner of Goop, which sells jade eggs, promotes Yoni Steaming and all sorts of other Witchery.
I feel like I’ve made my point now. These strong evidential provisions should leave no doubt in your mind. I doubt this is the last time I’ll bring capes up.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and pour myself a whisky because it’s Friday night. I might light a candle and pray to Amal Clooney or Lupita Nyong’o.
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